I couldn’t stop laughing when I read that a 63-year-old man from Birkirkara was reported to have broken into a grocery holding a burning candle to see his way around.  The Police said that the man had a number of previous theft convictions, none of which presumably included stealing a torch.

It seems that he had broken into the shop via the roof of an abandoned building, jumped across several rooftops, and then climbed down inside the store. Unable to leave through the front door, which was padlocked, he climbed back up the wall, before he jumped down from a height of one floor.

Although the man’s criminal past includes several convictions for theft, he does not seem to employ the latest technology in the carrying out of his trade.  Neither does he seem to be so bright.   After all, he was identified from CCTV footage installed outside the grocery – something he should have been aware of, given that he lives a few doors away from the grocery

Another tell-tale sign of his amateurship was that, with all the jumping on roofs and climbing walls he had to do, he did not bother to wear a good pair of shoes with spikes to have a better grip.   Instead, he wore a pair of flipflops, one of which he lost during the theft.   When he was arraigned, the Police said that “the man is not a newcomer to crime.”  That may be the case, but he does not seem to have learned anything. 

It’s really a hilarious case, reminding me of the Warner Bros film “Dog Day Afternoon”.  In the film, Sonny Wortzik (played masterfully by Al Pacino) is forced into robbing a bank for the sake of his lover, who needed the money for an expensive sex-change operation.  Sonny never once displays any traits that would have you believe he was cut out for a life of crime. Indeed, as soon as the robbery of the fictitious First Brooklyn Savings Bank is initiated, the heist immediately goes awry when one of Sonny’s hand-picked men flees at the sight of a gun.

Al Pacino sweats profusely throughout the movie, conveying how uncomfortable Sonny is with masquerading as a legitimate bank robber. As the film progresses it is obvious that Sonny is a totally incompetent villain. 

I don’t know whether the Birkirkara man’s lawyer had this in mind when he pleaded in Court that that his client deserved to be given bail.  In fact, I am rather inclined to think that the lawyer in question is also an amateur.  His first submission to the magistrate was to quote the recent case of a Romanian prince whom the Police wanted to extradite to Romania. The Court decided against that because of fears that the Prince’s human rights would be breached.  It is totally not clear what the parallels between the two cases are.

The lawyer accused the prosecution of using threadbare arguments to object to bail.  “Are we afraid of a 63-year-old man on crutches?” the lawyer asked, adding that it would be “draconian” to deny the accused bail.  The Court found the lawyer’s  arguments threadbare and threw them out.

Photo: A scene from Warner Bros’ film “Dog Day Afternoon”